My first blog

Yesterday Me and Becky had some words, Very strong but nesecary.

We started off fighting about the fact she took tomuch money out of the account with out letting me know and I had told her she only had that amount to use.

We the got started on our marrage which has been in schambles for years. One thing was ther waightloss over the last 2 years(100+ pounds) and how that had changed her. The fact that she did not know who she was now and so on. My thoughts on it was that we had not been acting much like we were married only like parents and partners.

I just got back from a 15 month deployment to Iraq my thied plus three other deployments to other parts of the world.

most of the deployments I came home we would act like like all was good for the most part. then after my second deployment to Iraq in 2005-2006 I finally felt like things were bad for me. I thought it was all me.

Turns out that I was Depressed and put on meds. The meds took almost 2 1/2 years to really make me feel better. During that time I suffered with work problems and was put in charge of operating a Gym for my Battalion. which first of all I was not doing my Job, that droped me futher in the hole I was digging. One of the benifits should of been spending time with my family, no did not happen self asorbed in my depression i spent lots of time sleeping or being by myself in my head mostly even though I was there and only worked 4 to 5 hours 5 days a week.

eventually the meds started working, but I was now being deployed and lost control of the mot important thing I ever had My marrage to Becky. I was still blind to the loss of what I had almost lost. during the deployment I found my self wanting some of the same things Becky wanted, just did not realize it. I became Jealous of other guy she hung out with younger and making her feel good buy saying things that she had been missing of a long time from me. I had the right but still hadent tried to fix any thing at that time, did not even see the full set of problems we were creating.

When I got home she had moved to Killeen to be closer to Family. This was great but I still was deeply jealous about most things because I was not there and had no influence on her.

Well as for last night and today. I found my self realizing what I was loseing by keeping my eyes closed to everything. We decided that she would get some councleing then we would do it together when we became reunited in June. I also decided that we needed to start having Us time, like dating agin and geting to know each other agin. we have been in Hawaii for close to 5 years Ive been gone over 2 years of it.

I think this has been the most productive thing we have done in 5 or 6 years. thing are looking up for the first time in almost always.