Well I like to think that things will be alright.
Well this might not make her happy or even make things harder. They are just my thoughts and feelings.
She always tells me that she dosent tell me things because she dosent want to hurt me. Well, how can I work on something if I dont know. She said in her own blog " I need some therapy, my only problem is I am scared of what I m going to find out." She tell me that its not gona work if she goses. she said that it that she dosen't love me, but she dose.
I'm so confuses at times.
She also tells me she is done with responsiabilty, she wants dosen't want to be married some parts of her and just be able to go when she wants, with out worring about needing to tell people. She can't be with out the kids, that been proven.
So what about the kids?
Well she dosent want to be tied down, well if she is with the kids she is still tied to them. She can't go do what she wants when she wants.
My Feelings will always be the same, I love her so deeply I hurts, my heart physicaly hurts to think of all this happening. I'm trying to lose weight to get promoted to help us out, but I can't because I too depressed. I also want and need her to talk to me about the problems she has so I can try and help he so many I should not sayany thing.
I'm not sure how to make things better for her with all these things she wants. I do know whe we are back together in june I will do all that I can to fix our problems. I will also be working on it from Hawaii.
I wish she had never gotten the surgery now. I figured I would be nice and we could handle it. Almost everone we know who has had the surgery has gotten a devorce. I loved her when she was big and I love her now. I just wish I could show her what is happening but I can't. In time when we are back It should be easer for us to truly work on and fix these problems.
My dreams all have her in it, I need her, with out her I'm nothing.
I love her more than anything.
TBC